// As far as I'm concerned, Fred Phillips is as good a writer as he // // is an artist. That could be a non-commital comment; but in this // // case it's a compliment.// // SPARERIBS By Fred Phillips Forward The author wishes to express his deepest appreciation to Dr. Charles Riddle of the British Archaeological Society and to Professor W. A. Stokes-Henley of the British Museum, together with his most profuse gratitude to Miss Rose Hausmann for her invaluable assistance in preparing a translation of her late father's journal concerning the Jebel Ankara expedition, and to the Berlin Publishing Company for permission to publish an account of that expedition in this book. For his scholarly and timely advice in the final preparation of this translation I am especially grateful to Dr. Alfred von Ord, without whose expertise and profound knowledge of archaeology I should never have been able to finish this presentation in the amazingly short space of three years. The author further wishes to caution the reader that certain scientific conclusions set forth in the ankara diary are those reached by Dr. Hausmann, to whom the scientific world, especially that of anthopology, owes its deepest homage. I I first became acquainted with Doktor-Professor Julius Hausmann while I was in the process of preparing a doctorial thesis in archaeology at the Sorbonne. I was working on the problem regarding the cultural submersion of a primitive society when it comes into contact with a more highly technological and sophisticated one, my case in point being the Almirez expedition (sub Cortes) which encountered Chuolotans in southwestern Mexico. That May, Dr. Hausmann gave a series of lectures during which he presented some astounding evidence that history may not have been exactly what we surmise, owing to visitors from the future. I was so astounded that I forgot to wonder when the Herr Doktor was not challenged by some of the Sorbonne faculty, and, indeed, received a very fine writeup in the private publication of the Social Science Dept., and in "Le Monde Arcaeologique," besides several other dignified scholarly journals. In part, the article in "La Societe des Belles Essais" reads, quote: "...recent anthropo-archeological evidence unearthed at a dig near Chenuztcatcan-Itza, Yucatan, has been found among other rather unexpectedly anachronistic artifacts, a leathern flying-helmet and a pair of R.A.F. wings, together with an object encrusted with earth salts and other impurities. Chemical, ultraviolet, and radiological analysis, together with microscopic examination have revealed the article, which is no larger than an English penny, to be composed of steel. It appears to be between four and five centuries old, and is believed to be an identification disc, because the words on it read: 'Pilot Officer William Portnoy, #12515904 217 Squadron (Fighter) In the Service of H.I.H. Quichazuma, Emperor-Designate of the Brittanic Protectorate of Mexico. Issued under auspices of the Royal Chronoversion Ministry, the Honourable Phyfis-Frothingbash Glengaurie, DFC, DSO, OBE, commanding' "And then, in smaller print, beneath: 'This disc is non-negotiable.'" In short, I lost no time in seizing the earliest opportunity of calling on the good doctor, and was much taken by his charming and well-appointed daughter, Rose, who spared no pains to ensure my comfort. In our first Kaffeeklatsch, Herr Doktor Hausmann intimated some of his future plans to us, and, being deeply impressed with my thesis and my other academic records, sent for me a week later to impart to me news of the utmost and highly fantastic significance. II Dr. Julius Hausmann, late of Heidelberg University, had corresponded with the aged Schleimann long after that worthy gentleman had uncovered his Seven Cities of Troy, and had done notable work for the Egyptology Division of the Cologne University Archaeology Department during the Tut-Ankh-Amon expedition. His had been the amazing discovery of the Rhadavashepsut sarcophagus when Professor George Hermann and the famous Kurt Wiener had thrown up their hands in despair and declared the dig a "fraudulent hoax". Now, as Doktor-Professor Emeritus from Heidelberg, financially independent, and on a long-merited sabbatical, he was busily engaged in archaeological "detective work", examining myths and legends in the folklore of the Middle East, primarily in Iran, where the Garden of Eden is supposed to have originated. Briefly, what Dr. Haussman proposed was to undertake a full-scale field trip to the particular vicinity in question, to see if he could locate any remains of the world's supposedly oldest inhabitants. He especially wished to see if he could substantiate the Adam and Eve story, at which I was inclined to frown just a little, having long considered much of the Good Book's contents as, shall we say, lying outside the pale of pure science... to put it mildly. I subsequently disengaged myself from my previdous commitments to a student tour of Rome which I had been invited to chaperone that summer, and accepted his suggestion to go puttering about the wilds of Asia on what I thought would surely at least be an intellectual lark, and at most, an elaborate indulgence. As Rose would accompany her venerable father, and I rather suspected that she had taken a bit of a fancy to me, I packed my belongings with alacrity and we were soon bound for Stamboul on the Paris-Orient. There we would charter a twin Beech cabin, get our visas authenticated at the Iranian embassy, where the good Doctor had hinted he had a few strings to pull, and be off Djebel Aleman in Iran. Let Dr. Hausmann's story speak for itself: III June 5 "The customs officials in Istanbul, as were their counterparts in Cairo during the Im-Hotep investigations of 1932, were extremely conscientious in discharging their responsibilities, in the light of the considerable quantities of equipment which young Welsh, Rose, and I presented for their examination. But at last we have our papers -- Mohammed Bey was extremely helpful, considering the debt he owes me -- and we are off. It feels good to sit behind the controls of an aircraft once again. I was obliged to go to a good deal of expense to renew my pilot's license, but the rewards of flying have proven the effort most propitious. June 6 "Landed at Mnishebak Airport in Teheran. As usual the press leaps after a story like a pack of bloodhounds, but Welsh reads them my official communique and pleads that I am fatigued after our flight. We will stay at the Colonial tonight, and I will see the customs people tomorrow. The convenience which my reputation as a man of science has earned is not to be disregarded, but I have found more than once that laurels have a habit of collapsing when you try to rest on them. June 7 "It is quite a relief to finish all the official business attendant upon entering a country, especially on a venture of this type. After a hearty Western breakfast at the hotel, Rose, Welsh and I escaped the throng of newsmen waiting for us in the lobby, and fled from the rear, where a taxi was waiting. I have always said that it is better press to produce results of a concrete nature than to stand and smile for the cameras, prating of all the great things one is going to do. A quick trip to the airport, into the plane, receive takeoff clearance from the landing tower, and we are pointed toward Djebel Aleman and cruising at 12,000 feet. A good thing ths craft has an automatic pilot, or I would have to write this at our destination. June 7, 5:00 PM "Djebel Aleman at last. The Halifat Range is shaped like a horseshoe, and we are directly in the middle of it, in a flat valley bordered on three sides by precipitous granite heights, the only spot where a plane can be landed. We will set up camp and check our equipment, and tomorrow we will begin exploring in a wide circle, never extendng the radius more than twenty miles. There should be something here, according to my studies. June 8 "There IS something here. No more than three miles from our camp, Rose and I came upon an area of undergrowth, small stunted treees, and tangled vines, which we circled, taking careful measurements. The rest of the soil for hundreds of miles around is barren and rocky, of a reddish colour in some places. This seems to be the only patch of vegetation in the entire vicinity. But what especially excites me is that on the North side, about forty feet into the scrub growth, there is a spring of clear water, and at the lip of the St. Phineas grass there appears to be a burnt patch.... Welsh has brought up the instruments and we have begun to dig. Of course the streak of burnt ground, four inches wide and about three and one-half feet wide, must be where the alleged Angel of the Lord touched the ground with his Sword of Fire. It is exactly where the vegetation stops and the coarse, rock-desert ground begins, so it tallies with the legend of The Expulsion. I have taken many photographs, and specimens from the desert, the burnt patch, and the undergrowth. But enough for today. Rose says nothing but I know she is tired. Welsh works like a madman. We had a long chat this afternoon; it seems that his religious views are apt to have been somewhat affected by our discovery. There is definite evidence, and it has been known for a long time, that the entire vicinity of our investigations has been eroded away from what was at one time quite a lush, almost jungle-like plain, so it is not very difficult to believe that this miserable little half-acre was at one time part of a larger and more verdant surrounding. June 9, 2:07 PM "EUREKA!! Un Gottswillen! The bones at last. I will leave it to the clergy to decide why Adam and Eve should have been allowed burial in the place where they were not allowed to dwell, but my measurements tell me quite an interesting story, meanwhile. There are two skeletons, found at a depth of between four and five feet, lying side by side on their backs. separated by no more than six inches. The larger one is five feet ten inches, the shorter is five feet four inches. The skulls are brachycephalic, which may be of some comfrot to Mynherr Voerwords and one or two Yankee Southern politicians of my acquaintance. But what is the most startling, the most fantastic, the most unbelievable discovery is the numbers of the ribs. "The larger skeleton has ELEVEN ribs; the smaller one has TEN." THE END [pp. 5 - 11, NO-EYED MONSTER #6, Spring 1966]
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