WORDS FROM
THE ASS-EDITOR

BY DAN STEFFAN

The time has come for Fandom to know the truth!

No matter how it may hurt, you must know. This Seventh issue of SCIENCE-FICTION FIVE-YEARLY is part of a dastardly plot. And I'm the dirty so-and-so who's beneath it all. Can you dig it?

This issue of SFFY is just another spoke in the wheel I'm using to flatten fandom and become its Rilly Supreme Being. My plans for ruling fandom are deceptively simple -- if they weren't I wouldn't be involved with them -- and after a mere eighteen months I am nearly to that lofty spot that is so rightfully mine.

It began at the Boston Worldcon during a solitary elevator ride. I really wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings -- nobody looks at elevators -- when I heard weird music. My first thought was that it was just Muzak, but after several more minutes I noticed that the tune had captured my attention. This was definitely no ordinary elevator music. We stopped between floors.

The doors opened and I was bathed in white light and a booming voice spoke to me. It said: "Meyer, you've been neglecting your fanac. You are destined for more than the ordinary fan -- don't you know that?" I answered that I didn't know that. "Well, I've been trying to give you hints for a long time, Meyer." The voice said. "You don't think you were given that AutoClave Guest-of-Honor-ship last month because you got cute legs, do you?" I shook my head, moved my mouth and said nothing. The voice continued, "I'm the fella who planted the idea of reviving your Genzine, ya know..." while I sat dumbstruck. It told me that I was picked for Greatness in Fandom, but when I asked just who it was that had picked me I got no satisfactory answer. "Oh, just some of the guys..." was the reply the voice gave.

After several minutes more of this mental assault I collapsed in submission, accepting my destiny. Once I did that I was released from the spell that the voice had maintained over me. Suddenly the elevator was moving again and I was surrounded by strange looking people. It was obvious from their clothes that my ordeal wasn't over. All the other people on the elevator with me were dressed nearly identically.

The only real difference between them were the phrases that were printed across their chests. One said: "Why not go bi-weekly?", while another said: "PONG is a good name!." It didn't take me long -- maybe three floors -- to realize that these phrases were secret messages from "the guys," so I found a piece of paper and began copying the words on the T-shirts. Among them were: "Publish Often!", "Write Letters!", "Coax Old-timers!", "Ride on Ted's coattails!" and many others. They were all pertinent suggestions for my fannish future and obvious proof of what the voice had told me.

One of the T-shirt slogans had also said: "Publish SFFY in '81!", but I ignored it at first. I would put it at the bottom of the pile of suggestions each time I came upon it. But every time I went to the pile, it would show up back on top. After two months of this I knew what I had to do -- I Had To Publish SFFY in '81!

At the beginning of December of last year I wrote to Lee Hoffman and asked about the next SFFY. I played it cool by saying I wanted to do the cover, while casually mentioning that I'd even be interested in doing the whole issue. She went for it hook, line, and sinker.

LeeH's reply was perfect: "Okay. Do you want to pub an ish of SFFY?" I had her. I agreed to publish the issue and knew it would be one big stepping stone towards my goal. I had only to sit back while Lee brought me mountains of great material to publish. Hell, all I had to do is type a couple of stencils. That was the least I could do to achieve my birthright as the Rilly Supreme Being.

You now hold in your hands MY issue of SCIENCE-FICTION FIVE-YEARLY. It is proof of my Rilly Supreme Ability as a faned. Having stenciled the artwork personally proves that I am the Rilly Supreme Fanartist, and my extraordinary assembling of this issue is another example that I am the Rilly Supreme Stapler as well.

With the publication of this issue of SFFY I have stepped into those sainted ranks and become "just one of the guys." A Rilly Supreme Being.

On your knees, fandom!

Yours Rilly Supremely,

-- dan steffan 1981

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Data entry by Judy Bemis

Updated October 19, 2002. If you have a comment about these web pages please send a note to the Fanac Webmaster. Thank you.