I have been asked to review Donovan's brain for an alert audience of intelligent and discriminating readers. In the first place I don't believe such a group exists. If they were mentally alert they wouldn't be found in fandom. If they were intelligent they wouldn't be reading fanzines. ((Especially Lez)) If they were discriminating they certainly wouldn't touch this one. ((Professional jealousy. Reviewer Tucker is prone to judge everyone by himself.))

In the second place, I can't review Donovan's Brain because I don't know Donovan. Is he a fan? ((Mishunary))

I have no record of a fan named Donovan. My records are pretty thorough; they date back for several years. Not recalling the name offhand, I at first searched through my old D'Journal files. I found a fan living on Donovan street. Then I went thru the subscription files for the 1938 and 1939 Yearbooks. I found an outer-circle fan living in Donovan, California. ((You should have looked through the mailing list of CHANTICLEER. CHANTICLEER has three Donovan on it's list, plus two McGillicudys))

But no a solitary Donovan with a brain.

Realizing that an impasse had been reached, I cast about for methods of overcoming the obstacle with the minimum amount of effort. In fandom, it is the custom to obey the slightest whim of an editor-creature. ((Except where subscriptions are concerned)) It is unthinkable to neglect his request for an article. With the tremendous power he wields thru his presses, he can make or break an individual. ((I prefer the former)) I must, therefore, review Donovan's brain whether I knew Donovan or not. It was written. An editor-creature had spoken.

Therefore, I review Donovan's brain: ((The foregoing paragraphs can be utterly disregarded. As a matter of fact, so can the author))

Donovan's brain is a subdivision of the mechanism concerned with the conduction and interpretation of sensory stimuli, the power of thought, and the voluntary and involuntary control of the nerve systems of the body. Donovan's brain contains both white and gray matter divided into several sections. The white matter of his brain is fatty tissue, which is very likely nothing more than much-needed padding for the gray matter, which in turn is useless also.

Donovan's brain, by means of insulation material made of plastic and asbestos, is divided into four major parts. Part one is the cerebral right and left hemispheres which are seldom used. Part two is the cerebellum which is seldom used. Part three is the midbrain which is seldom used. Part four is the medulla oblongata which is seldom used also. ((Part five is Tucker, which is seldom used, much to the great glee of all)) This explains why Donovan is in fandom.

Donovan's brain may be likened to the central switchboard of an extensive switchboard telephone system, with the telephone operator off duty. Each cerebral himisphere ((or herisphere)) is divided into four lobes and the government of each maintains strict naval patrol to insure hemisphere-neutrality. ((From brain to naval in one sentence; utterly fornchy)) The cerebellum, above and behind the base of Donovan's brain, coordinates the movements of Donovan's body by modifying the control of the cerebral motor cortex ((shame)) over the muscles that activate the skeleton. Donovan's motor probably burns out when attending a convention, thus causing the actions usually noticeable in Donovan at such public affairs.

The medulla ((ah, the medulla)) mainly controls the sympathetic nervous system. Donovan's medulla makes him an easy touch for preying fan-editors with printing bills to meet. It has been established that Nova, the bi-monthly magazine that manages to appear once each year, ((Leap Year)) yet hold all of three hundred buyers without a complaint, has a subscription listcomposed of fans with overly-activated medullae.

Which about sums up my knowledge of Donovan's brain. I would like to meet Donovan sometime.

Data entry by Judy Bemis

Updated January 17, 2015. If you have a comment about these web pages please send a note to the Fanac Webmaster. Thank you.